New Year, new Jessica

It's 2009. And, while this post is about...oh, a month over due, better late than never! I am overhauling my life. Major. Yes, in 2008, I accomplished a lot, if you think about it. I successfully moved my butt and belongings aaaaaall the way across this great nation to Los Angeles, CA. And I love it here. This is where I belonged all along.

And now a year has passed. They say the first year is the hardest. I'm still breathing, my boyfriend still loves me, and I'm a stronger person than I ever was. I love being on my own, working, and making my way for myself. Its liberating, and I love my newfound freedom. I finally feel like I can be me, pure and simple.

But, there are things to be done! Here are some of my goals for 2009:
1. Get an agent. no ifs ands or butts
2. study study study! that means taking classes, working on monologues by myself at home, practicing cold reading more. I'm going to pretend like I'm training to be an olympic figure skater again and get down to business!
3. create, shoot, and sucessfully produce me and Jake's ideas for short films. I am going to stop waiting to be "discovered" and start getting myself out there! and I am ready and raring to go
4. write more
5. read more, especially books about history, not just...ahem...twilight....
6. write in this blog more, for heaven's sake!

My problem is, some days I feel invincible. Tonight I feel like that. Other times, which is usually the majority of the time, I feel a bit less confident. When I lived in Nashville, I oozed confidence, almost to the point of sheer arrogance. I guess there I somehow knew that I should go on to bigger things. Here in LA though, I sometimes feel like I'm not enough. But I've come to realize this is stupid and I need to stop letting these thoughts take root in my conciousness.

When I used to skate, a lot of times at competition, I would get intimidated by my competitors. So, I started to get really aggressive when I was on the ice. I stopped giving other people the right of way. I stopped being timid, at least on the outside. People probably thought I was a bitch. My coaches called me an "ice princess." I lived by the motto, "fake it till you make it." And after a while....I even fooled myself. And it helped! So that's what I'm going to do now. I'm going to find my old steely resolve and do whatever it takes to succeed in life.

So, here's to the new fearless, confident me. watch out.